Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
