Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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