I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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