I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
