dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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