Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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