I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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