I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
