The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
