paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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