I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She's the barista slut.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
