I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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