i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
