Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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