I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
