i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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