what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
