theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
