and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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