erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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