I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
