I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize