And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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