Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize