she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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