Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize