Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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