I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize