I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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