so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
