Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
