Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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