oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
