you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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