all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
