So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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