you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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