i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You can't just leave with hair like that
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
