remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize