There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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