so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
