he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
