WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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