Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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