I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
