I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
