the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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