i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
