it wasn't lemon gatorade
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize