the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
