I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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