i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
