he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
