we made out on top of his cat.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
