Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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