i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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