I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
