Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
