it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
