you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Found your dick twin last night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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