I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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