u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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