went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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