my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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