When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
