you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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