how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
