awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
