Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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