I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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